Back in July, someone that I am very close to lost her little 4 yr. old son. Every once in awhile, it hits me all over again and makes me hurt. All the images of pain and heartbreak and sorrow make me breakdown all over again. I haven't blogged about it before now because I guess it has been just too tender still.
Some of you might know Mike and Montica Cox. After trying for 8 years to start their family, they were blessed with Brennan. After just 4 short years with him, he was called home to his Heavenly Father. Montica (Mangum) Cox grew up in my home, and was practically another sister to us. She still lives just blocks from my mom's house and would bring Brennan over when my sister and I came down. He was in my mom's preschool class, and did practically everything with Nat and Autumn (my sisters who still live close by). They all have kids the same age as Brennan and were the best of friends. It still breaks my heart to think of Taija (Nat's daughter) having such a hard time at the funeral and being completely heartbroken that her best buddy was gone. Nat had to take her out several times because she was just sobbing. Brennan's dad Mike spoke at the funeral because he wanted his little boy to know how much they loved him. He spoke directly to Brennan. While I was so impressed at his strength to be able to do so, I can't express to you in words how heartbreaking that was.
It has been such a surreal experience watching someone you love be in so much pain and being helpless to take it away from them. How do you console someone that has had their heart ripped out? I am so proud of them for just getting through each day. I am so proud that they are working towards getting to the temple. I am proud of them for letting people help them. I am proud of them for being an example of strength. Everyone misses Brennan. He was NOT a quiet little kid who sort of faded into the background. But more than that we are all so grateful for the knowledge we have of the gospel. We know where he is, and though we don't know the why's, we know that Heavenly Father needed him at this time. It doesn't make his mom and dad miss him any less, but there is peace knowing that he is about his Father's work, that he is happy, and that they will have the opportunity to see Brennan again, and be able to raise him to maturity.
The hard part about being human is that our perspective is so narrow sometimes. It would be so nice if we could just have that eternal perspective ALL the time and not have to go back and forth between hurt and peace. But, it's all part of the test. It's about faith. It's about learning to submit to the will of our Father in Heaven, even though our finite minds can't understand.
This life is so short! It goes by so fast, and you never know which day will be the last. Loss reminds us of that. I pray that Mike and Montica will know what good parents they are, and that we love them, and are praying for them still.
14 years ago
9 comments:
I can imagine how hard this was for you to blog this painful event, but thank you for doing it. Your words have brought me a sense of perspective that I greatly needed right now. My heart goes out to you, your family, and most of all your friends for their loss.
Thanks for the post Tiff! It just really makes me remember how thankful I am for what I have and have been given! Thinking back on that time makes me hurt for them but like you said I am so grateful to have the gospel to know in the end everything will be just fine! Thanks again!
I'm so glad you are my friend so that I can learn from you. You are a great example in so many ways. To your friends I am so sad for their loss. Life isn't always easy.
My neighbor and friend just lost her 4 year old little boy a few weeks ago. He was hit by a car too (driver was 15) while watching his 7 year old brother get on the bus. You blog brought me to tears as I have felt exactly the same way as you. Their strength too has been amazing, thanks to their knowledge of the gospel. I am sure grateful for all that I know...and continue to learn as life brings trials that help us grow!
Wow! Every now and then we need percpective in our lives. You know I grew up with a mom who said every day to us....Life is to short, live for right now. As a kid I was like whatever!!I still hear her voice telling me that everyday, and hearing stories like this, makes you appreciate the NOW!!
I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a little one die and not know that you will be able to see them again, and that he is being raised by the best person in the world (Heavenly Father). It's hard now to know that your little one is gone, but then a peace comes over you because you know where he is. Isn't it so nice to know that and to have the Holy Ghost as a comforter.
Tiff,
I forgot about the connection that you and your family had with Montica. I had heard about their little boy and was devastated. Anytime you see a young child pass early like this it is so hard to imagine. I always seem to put myself in their place (having a 4 year old) and I can't imagine having to go through something like this.
These are the times that our testimonies are strengthened and we become ever more grateful for eternal families. I am so sorry for you having to deal with a loss such as this. It's so hard to see our friends go through this process! Thanks for the post!
I'm glad you posted this. I've been wanting to post something and haven't been quite sure what to say, but you said it all. It seems like I get busy going about my day and it leaves my mind and then every night as I tuck in the girls I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness for Mike and Montica. She still need us desperately.
You are so sweet. I am sorry for your loss. I think about things like this a lot and am so thankful for our knowledge of the gospel although it does not make the pain any easier to handle. Blessings!
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